Burn down my home and build me a castle

hello darlings,

2012-02-18T10:11:00.002+02:00

Neverendingescapism has been quite dead for a while, I've been updating in swedish instead. I'm sorry for that, but here's ECHOMANIA.

Stare into nowhere.

2012-02-02T17:35:00.003+02:00

I'm lacking of creativity and the ability to focuse.

winter coldness and the wind is raping our souls.

2012-01-20T18:47:00.005+02:00

inhale/exhale
the redundant time began to end
but who loves to breathe?
we only do it because it's necessary

And she's been travelling over oceans and searched in each corner for something to save her from herself.

2012-01-14T13:37:00.003+02:00

The views of Paris in October.

five months from now and we were dancing in the sunlight

2012-01-09T18:35:00.004+02:00

[People keep telling me the meaning of life is love and then I say as a defense mechanism "I'm going to stay in my appartement with thousands cats and books and that's all the love I need." and then I write it all about love and death and how I´d love to see two worlds colliding, silly me, huh?"]

summer, apple tree and long hair

2012-01-06T19:02:00.003+02:00

I miss the summer sun, even though I'm a winter child freezing in the summer nights. It's so beautiful when apple tree blossoms come out, it's something peaceful over it. A fragile moment of hope and beauty before it all fades and dies. And I would love to have my hair grow long again so it can fall like a waterfall down my shoulders.

heartache headache

2012-01-01T18:18:00.006+02:00

When you leave, there´s no way back from wherever you came. Still I looked back and found the bittersweetness of a 14-year-old´s notes.

One day your destiny will cross another soul. This soul, this somebody will give you kisses that burns holes in your skin. You'll never be the same as before. You will keep wanting more and more. You'll be craving so hard that it will eat up you inside out and you won't long for comfort anymore. You'll long for sin, the end of the world, destruction and war.

Everything is easier when it's just a blur

2011-12-28T21:47:00.004+02:00

And the year is turning to an end and I ask myself: "How many hearts did you mend this year?"
Two including mine.

[Dear reader, I'm that kind of girl that reads books about infinity and the meaning of life and drink tea and writes letters and lets fantasy affect me so hard that I almost think it is real and dreams pink candy clouds dream about love and thinks cats are adorable. But I'm also kind of girl that is interested of you, reader. Whoever it is, leave a trace. Tell me who you are. Thanks.]

I'll be the one who drinks your deadly poison

2011-12-26T16:22:00.003+02:00

The sun used to burn our skins dry. Pale as the morning light she was your trumbling nightingale. Young love was always craving after infinity. Infinity is what we found when we were vampires dancing in the nights. It was a game of hedonism, she was blind in her infatuation and her body was screaming after sin and destruction. "I found a world when death and love and emptyness all collide. Kill reality, we'll be young forever."

the sun, the sun, where did it go?

2011-12-23T20:54:00.003+02:00

She is singing lovely lullabies again

2011-12-12T20:32:00.005+02:00

[Breathe in, breathe out. The darkest part is over now. Christmas waits. My birthday waits. The new year waits.]

Home is where the heart is

2011-12-10T14:12:00.004+02:00

Winter came and took all the sunshine from her cheeks away.
"You are so pale and shy. What has happened with the girl with sunshine in her eyes?"
"Nothing really. Just tired." (Everything and nothing has happened, don't you see?)
This coldness will dig under your skin, deep deep, until it reach your veins.

During this cold months I start tune back in time. Flashbacks will explode in my memory card, fragments from the time that was and never will be again. I thought I understood it but I didn't have slighest clue of it.

whatevs this isn't meant to be a serious update

2011-12-06T19:50:00.006+02:00

This is unneccessary and no one have told you that you have to read it. This will bring down the status of my blog into a teenageanguish thingy. It's like I have had a hangover the whole day. Too many ideas and visions and choirs to do. Today I´ve been sleeping too many hours, painting ugliness, not reading books that I should read and read the books that I shouldn't read. Headache, heartache, trembling bodies, nightmares, mad technomusic, quarrels and everything at the same time.
I'm so tired, so exhausted of it all. For the moment I just wanna curl up to a hedgehog and live in my bed forever.

Still an Ice Age away

2011-12-01T20:08:00.005+02:00

The world will swallow you whole, you've been dead ever since she left your soul/She sang: The wind will try to rape our souls and place a ticking bomb in our hearts/Still a false illusion, still a daydream away/They left us outside, let us freeze until we faded away/Set me free now or trap me in your embrace, she whispered with agony in her voice/Love is a game where your heart is always at the stake/You would rather be nothing than something that doesn't mean anything/Let it be, let it go, the only way to flee from life is death/December, please be good to me this time

Frozen veins and lonely hearts

2011-11-19T20:28:00.004+02:00

I've spent too many sleepless nights thinking about you

2011-11-15T00:16:00.000+02:00

Now when the snow has fallen down I finally feel safe. I always been a winterchild longing for blizzards in the middle of the summer. But it have made me so thin skinned that every finger touch leaves tracks in the bloodstream.

Everything looks so perfect from far away, but when you start to see the details it will sooner or later appear that everything is on its way to destruction. Why is that so that everything that decay will turn into black? Even blood red rubies will become grotesque black spots.

Sometimes losing control is the most beautiful in the world. Letting everything be so it can fall into its own place, but I'm still afraid of all the people who makes me lose myself.

Black on white

2011-11-14T12:51:00.005+02:00

My biggest dream is becoming a fashion photographer. It's so hard.

As the season changed

2011-11-12T11:39:00.004+02:00

I have this thing that every once in a while I have to reinvent myself. This trash and rock-chic style is really adorable. Balmain, Effy from Skins and Felice Fawn had inspired me well. But I like floral, girlish, sweet clothes too, 40's and 60's fashion, Goth inspired and classic alternatives like trench-coat (when I get rich I'm going to buy a Burberry trench). It's hard when you like different clothes at different moods.

I cutted my hair and chasing Peter Pan collar-blouses. And why on earth doesn't galaxy doc martens exist?

our summer skin has faded away

2011-11-11T11:50:00.003+02:00

a couple years ago.

There has been a lack of motivation. I haven't shot a decent photo these days, been reading a lot and listening to music. Need to be more artistic and deep, my photos are empty.

your sweet tormentor

2011-10-23T17:55:00.006+03:00

[I can't find the words, I can't see the picture. And yet, it's everywhere but something is keeping away from finding the way out through this endless mist of mine. Some people seek love, I seek for eternity.]

I can see the pain and shadows in your eyes growing more and more each day.

2011-10-20T08:50:00.003+03:00

Kill you butterfly dreams or risk to lose your dignity for love

2011-10-17T13:42:00.010+03:00

I hear voices outside these paperthin walls, they are whispering about the world that I never would build. In another part of my world there's someone calling for help without even reaching the outermost periphery. So sharp the knife, so beautiful red rubies are dropping from her wrists. She's another soul lost in the mist of despair and our indifference is the world's decay. We all got monsters under our beds, but they only scream when the night falls. Everyday we suffer from the betrayal of our senses and the heart is averting once again. She's whispering: Darling, I don't believe in happiness, I just want an eternity with you.

I'm not afraid of the dark, I'm afraid of what's in it.

2011-10-04T19:29:00.009+03:00

The most dangerous people are those who make you lose the time perception and forget about everything. You always try to run away from them because you don't want to lose yourself, but for some weird reason they always get stuck on your mind.

The difference between fact and fiction makes me wanna cry.

I want the world to stop

2011-09-26T18:35:00.008+03:00

One morning you wake up and realise that everything around you will vanish. A bittersweet feeling of uncertainty and sadness but at the same time so crystal clear. I guess I always hated that I had to one day smash the childhood idyll, the naive dream of love and eternity. I was the girl who mended clocks so I wouldn't have to watch time goes by.

Her curls are dancing along with the wind

2011-09-25T08:49:00.000+03:00

Matilda.

There's a blizzard in my chest, trying to infect my bloodstream.

2011-09-17T14:42:00.001+03:00

Cottoncandy Dreams

2011-09-08T20:40:00.001+03:00

Cottoncandy dreams only last until the rain falls down. Then they suddenly vanish.

Dress up for success - part 2

2011-09-02T20:22:00.008+03:00

My brother Johan

Blow everything in the air, I don't mind.

2011-08-31T17:00:00.004+03:00

I had an idea of the combination of photography and drawing. This was the result of it.

You make it hard to breathe

2011-08-21T15:45:00.005+03:00

Lost in a mist of despair I found what I thought was the light. I wanted you to be the solid ground when I fell, the constant in a world of change but the only constant I got left is Chaos.

There's a lot of questions that spins in my head. How many heart you can mend during a lifetime? If normal people would be rain, would I be a pouring rain or a devastating hurricane or just normal rain? How likely is it that our worlds would collide? What would my last word be? But the most important question, will I ever solve this maze?

Last Autumn's Dream

2011-08-20T17:19:00.004+03:00

It's funny how you can find something that will make you remember how you felt at a certain time.

At the river late summer nights

2011-08-15T18:59:00.000+03:00

Same river but different time and places. The world is changing all the time, it's just that you don't have time enough to notice all the details. I always associate shimmering water with childhood, running on the meadows, blowing soap bubbles, playing and building kuts in the woods and such things.

Life in is very fragility

2011-08-12T10:01:00.003+03:00

[I wrote this a week ago, not sure of if I was going to publish it. But still there's part of reality and part of fiction.]

It's 4 am and I'm wide awake. What the heart wants isn't always what you get. That's why hearts are prisoned behind bars of ribs so they can't escape and start running like fools for impossible things. As I lay on my bed the dawn is breaking out through my window.

I think of running out on the empty streets but the imagination of letting my angst take over scares me. Angst is like having a vise screwed tighter and tighter around your chest. It is always there, underneath it all. Like a monster hiding in the daylight ready to jump at you when the darkness falls.

Broken promises, shattered dreams, people hurt, people disappear, lies, things that didn't went the way you wanted, nightmares or the feeling of every part of your body is aching without any reason keeps us sleepless. Then there's all those what if, what if I didn't take that path would I be happier today? Would I be happier if I wasn't conscious of all the bad things?

In another reality, we could have had it all. But for now, I don't regret anything. You know why? Because the only person you have to endure with in your entire life is sincerely yourself.

Dressed up for success

2011-08-10T18:04:00.006+03:00

A while ago I shot my little brother on our yard. He is photogenic compared to me but well, that's why I prefer to take shots than be shot at. His hair was a total mess and looked like some kind of hairstyle you could see on a Japanese Cosplayer to begin with, so I had to style it. Putting up an outfit wasn't so hard when I already thought of black and white photos. The thing was to have him being serious and not joking around like he usually do.

The Art of Appreciating Simple Things

2011-08-05T21:36:00.005+03:00

From last year when I thought that reality was too shimmering grey for me to breathe.

Sometimes the only way to find peace in yourself is to find it in the wild. Today I've been walking in the rain in my favourite jacket and docs with an umbrella in my hand, discovered reflections in the water puddle, watched birds and listened to the sound of water stream down. It was lovely.

Let her grace embrace you

2011-08-04T20:38:00.003+03:00

This is Matilda. We've been best friends for almost 6 year, she's one of the most competetive and strongest girl I know. We've been through a lot. We have collected Diddl-papers, been overwhelmed over Bratz dolls, build snow castles, driven pulka down the snowcovered hills, wasted endless time on watching tv series, been fascinated about fashion and the art of making a cupcake or a macaroon and thousands of things that I can't remember right in the moment.

This is the first day of the rest of my life

2011-08-04T11:52:00.002+03:00

I'm starting over once again. It's like building a whole new surrounding everytime I start a new blog, hopefully I'll manage to be here and keep on updating. Putting up one of things that fascinates me the most in the world, Photography. Capturing moments forever.